Brain (extra enthusiastically): GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!
Me: I am not in, nor have I ever visited Vietnam.
Brain (even more enthusiastically): GOOD MORNING MINNESOTA!
Me: Cool, cool. Could you give me like five minutes?
Brain (talking quickly): Yep. It’s a busy day. I’ve seen the schedule. Paying clients, new year prep at the high school, finish that fan thing, get back to MarsCon on programming… Lots to do!
Me (exasperated): Yeah. I know.
Brain: And you really need to crank out a story for group, if you guys are ever going to meet again.
Me: I’m aware of this.
Brain: Great! So I can just cut to the chase.
Me: Seriously, can you give me five minutes. I’m trying to finish meditating here.
Brain: But… story idea!
Me: Yes. And I want it, but… can you just hang on? Please?
Brain (so much judging): What, so you can sit there and breathe? Yeah, yeah. Present moment. Perfect moment. You’re in the living room. You’re breathing. Great job! Meditation done.
Me: Urgh. That’s not quite how it works.
Brain (dismissive): Sure it does. We just did guided meditation, with me as your guide along this path we call life.
Me: I’ve still got like… two and a half, three minutes to go.
Brain: I’m not sitting here for three minutes while you focus on existing. Besides, what’s more fun, trying not to think about anything other than observing your breathing or contemplating the nature of selkies?
Me: Please stop.