The Continued Adventures of Writer Brain

Brain: Ahem.

Me: Yeah?  Oh hi.  Do you need something?

Brain: Me?  Naah.  I’m good.  But I think you need something.

Me (suspicious): Really?  I’m full up on things, just now, so no need to trouble yourself.

Brain: It’s no trouble.  Honest.

Me: Uuuuh.  I wouldn’t want to seem greedy.

Brain (radiating hearts and rainbows): It’s a gift!

Me: My birthday’s not for two months.

Brain: What, can’t I give you a gift just because I love you?

Me (stumped and terrified): Ergh.  Sure.  I guess?

Brain: Check out THIS!

Me: <Blink.  Blink.>

Brain: Isn’t it totally awesome?  It’s the best thing EVER, and it’s so perfect for you!

Me: WTF.  This isn’t even my genre.

Brain: Sure it is.  See the opportunity for angst?  That’s totally you.

Me (indignant): I don’t write angst!  

Brain: <Raised eyebrow>

Me: Okay.  So, some of my stories get a bit more… dark and tragic than I intend.  But angst isn’t even a genre.  And, look at this thing.  It’s a freaking beast.  It’s at least a novel.  Maybe two.

Brain (proudly): Yeah.  I know.

Me (resigned): Fine.  I’m just going to summarize this idea here, in my ideas folder –

Brain: Isn’t that the folder where ideas go to die?

Me: Uuuuh.  No.  No.  This is where totally awesome ideas go, when I need a little time to truly appreciate them and do them justice.

Brain: It looks like the folder where ideas go to die.

Me: I promise, it’s not.

Brain: If you say so.  You should probably back it up to the network… and your flash drive.  You know.  Just to be safe.



Check out all the Writer Brain shenanigans in reverse chronological order here.

Writer Brain… Again

Brain: Pssst!

Me: Hubba wuh?

Brain (eagerly): Check out this killer opening line–

Me: Stop that!  I’m already up to my eyeballs in the not-so-short story you tricked me into “briefly” setting aside the novel for.

Brain (baffled): So?

Me: And I’m currently stuck in the middle of an overgrown patch of raspberries, getting savaged by insects.

Brain (still baffled): And your point is what, exactly?

Me: I don’t have anything to write with.  I’m busy!

Brain: You could carve it into that rhubarb leaf over there, with your fingernail… or a stick.

Me: That’s not rhubarb.

Brain: It’ll literally take you twenty seconds.

Me: You’ve obviously never tried etching an opening line into a leaf of burdok.

Brain (seriously): I’m beginning to think you don’t really appreciate me.

Me: <eyeroll>

Brain: I give everything to you.  And you take it all, but you can’t spare thirty seconds for me when I need you.

Me: You’re getting a bit melodramatic, don’t you think?

Brain: Actually, I think you’re selfish.  And I haven’t had a vacation in a while.  And maybe I should go find someone who wants me around!

Me: Oh, come on.  You know that’s not true–

Brain: Just you wait.  You’ll come looking for me, and I won’t be there.

Me (resigned): *sigh*  I’m sorry, all right?  I didn’t mean it.  I’m a horrible person, and I don’t deserve to bask in all your awesome.

Brain: True.

Me: Please don’t go.

Brain: <dramatic pause> Fine.  I’ll stay.  This time.

Me: Thank you.

Brain: So about that opening line…



Check out all the Writer Brain shenanigans in reverse chronological order here.

Writer Brain in Action

Brain (talking fast): hey, hey, hey!  Lookit, lookit, I have a shiny cool idea.  

Me: I’m in the middle of a novel; I really can’t be distracted right now.

Brain (insistent): Best idea ever!  C’mon. Just take a look.  You can jot it down for later.  Cause you know I’m not gonna remember.

Me (placating): Fine.

Me: Hmm. This is a pretty good idea.

Brain: See.  I told you.  Have I ever lied to you?

Me: Uhhhh.

Brain: Don’t answer that. Focus on the shiny idea. Hey.  It’s pretty short.  Probably 2,500 words tops.

Me (thoughtfully): Hmmm. This won’t take long to write.

Brain: May as well do it now, right?  That’s the efficient thing to do.  Then you’ll have another story to foist onto people.  And it IS awesome.

Me: Yeah.  I can probably knock this out in one sitting, and it’ll be a nice break from the novel.

Me: *500 words in and realizing I’m not done with the set up.*

Brain: PSYCH!  It’s totally a 7500 word story!

Brain: You should see all the backstory and research I did.   It’s gonna be awesome.



Check out all the Writer Brain shenanigans in reverse chronological order here.