Brain: Pssst!
Me: Hubba wuh?
Brain (eagerly): Check out this killer opening line–
Me: Stop that! I’m already up to my eyeballs in the not-so-short story you tricked me into “briefly” setting aside the novel for.
Brain (baffled): So?
Me: And I’m currently stuck in the middle of an overgrown patch of raspberries, getting savaged by insects.
Brain (still baffled): And your point is what, exactly?
Me: I don’t have anything to write with. I’m busy!
Brain: You could carve it into that rhubarb leaf over there, with your fingernail… or a stick.
Me: That’s not rhubarb.
Brain: It’ll literally take you twenty seconds.
Me: You’ve obviously never tried etching an opening line into a leaf of burdok.
Brain (seriously): I’m beginning to think you don’t really appreciate me.
Me: <eyeroll>
Brain: I give everything to you. And you take it all, but you can’t spare thirty seconds for me when I need you.
Me: You’re getting a bit melodramatic, don’t you think?
Brain: Actually, I think you’re selfish. And I haven’t had a vacation in a while. And maybe I should go find someone who wants me around!
Me: Oh, come on. You know that’s not true–
Brain: Just you wait. You’ll come looking for me, and I won’t be there.
Me (resigned): *sigh* I’m sorry, all right? I didn’t mean it. I’m a horrible person, and I don’t deserve to bask in all your awesome.
Brain: True.
Me: Please don’t go.
Brain: <dramatic pause> Fine. I’ll stay. This time.
Me: Thank you.
Brain: So about that opening line…
Check out all the Writer Brain shenanigans in reverse chronological order here.
S.N.Arly 